Death of David Bowie reminding everyone what real music sounds like

by philapilus
File:David Bowie Chile.jpg

Beautiful, brilliant, and depressingly about to receive the shit Cover treatment from every single musician on The Voice and X-Factor

The untimely death of musical legend David Bowie from cancer has made everyone realise just how shit most music is now, and exactly how fucking brilliant the man was.

The beloved rockstar’s innovation, stylish androgyny and ability to reinvent himself creatively, made him a household name.

The ubiquitous airtime suddenly given to Bowie this morning has sharply reminded listeners that music doesn’t have to be utter wank, and that it is possible to listen to genius as much as you want.

Wendy Nailinthehead, hausfrau from Streatham, said “I always used to love Bowie when I was a carefree teenager. Then the kids came along and for some now-incomprehensible reason I started listening to Abba and Mariah Carey.

“But then today I realised; fuck that. I am dusting off my records, locking the kids out of the house, and getting ready to space out.”

Bowie fan Tim Twanks said “I’ve always been joshingly mocked by colleagues who call me ‘grandad’ or ‘wanker’ because I keep saying Bowie is the best and that music today is rubbish, and nowhere near as good as it used to be.

“But now that Space Oddity, Queen Bitch et al are on every radio and TV channel, literally everyone I work with has queued up next to my desk to apologise.. I’d say ‘I told you so’ but I am too fucking upset.”

But contemporary musicians, fearing a backlash from fans who might suddenly demand musical competency, have gone on the warpath.

Egotistical fuckwit Kanye West said “His music sounds OK, but modestly speaking it’s nowhere near as good as the brilliance that emanates from my every orifice. From now on I am going to call myself KanWIE. To remind everyone how much better than BoWIE I am, geddit?”

To which hundreds of millions of people said they couldn’t be bothered to respond because they were too busy remembering what real music is.

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: