Corbyn ‘pretended his Twitter was hacked’ after drunken tweets

by philapilus
File:Jeremy Corbyn No More War crop.jpg

Feeling and looking rough as f*ck

Jeremy Corbyn has admitted this morning that he lied about his Twitter account being hacked, after making a series of unwise drunken tweets last night.

The leader of the opposition addressed a press conference in a pained whisper. Holding a cold flannel to his forehead and shutting his eyes tightly, he said “Look, I’m really sorry. Both for the inappropriate tweets and for lying, but please just leave me alone with this hellish hangover?”

An aide to Mr Corbyn said “Jeremy was celebrating after the band Squeeze mocked David Cameron to his face live on the Andrew Marr show. But instead of sticking to his usual half-pint of real-ale shandy he went mad and drank a whole pint.

“Then he took his phone into the toilets giggling, and it wasn’t until later that we realised what he had been doing. We deleted the tweets as soon as possible, but by then it was too late.”

The veteran left-wingers tweets began in high spirits

  • Cameron is a big wally
  • #crazyformanholes
  • Karl Marx for King!
  • Diane Abbott’s booty is still haawwwwt
  • When I’m PM it’s Sausage Roll Tuesday every week!

But as Corbyn’s mood sank from elation to alcoholic depression, the tweets became more and more miserable

  • You tory-voting British bastards don’t deserve Labour
  • The press is out to get me
  • It’s not paranoia when everyone does hate you 😦
  • Please help me someone, I don’t know what I’m doing on the front bench

Tim Twanks, unemployed political commentator, commented “It does look pretty bad, but of course the Tories can’t capitalise on it without reminding everyone of the drunken tweets Cameron sent out to the country’s pig-farmers, asking for their sexiest sows to be sent to Number 10 “dead or alive”.

“Maybe politicians should get on with their jobs and not bother with social media?”

 

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