Bruce Forsyth in repair shop, will miss Christmas Strictly

by philapilus
File:Sir Bruce Forsyth opening The Sir Bruce Forsyth Auditorium at Millfield Theatre on October 6th 2009 2014-08-10 12-29.jpg

At home with friends

The animatronics inside the preserved corpse of TV presenter Sir Bruce Forsyth have malfunctioned and are undergoing extensive repairs, meaning ‘Brucie’ will not be presenting the Strictly Come Dancing Christmas special.

A BBC spokesperson said that “Having Sir Bruce on the show before the repairs are properly finished would be very unwise. A piston might punch right through his brittle, leathery skin and knock Claudia Winkleman’s teeth out.

“He will have to be dipped in formaldehyde and his circuit board will need to be wired from scratch. We’re sorry to say that Sir Bruce will therefore not feature in the programme to be shown on Christmas day.”

Forsyth died of natural causes at the age of 104 in February 1973, but after extensive embalming and tanning work on his skin, he was gutted out like an Egyptian pharoah and fitted with state of the art interior robotics, so that he could continue presenting.

Much of the circuitry is contained within the space of his massive chin, and the extensive wrinkles on his face serve to hide most of the wiring in their leathery depths.

His changeless visage and lack of all human character or standards of taste has made the Brucebot the ideal TV presenter. In fact, Strictly producers have already started to hollow out co-presenter sexy Claudia Winkleman for embalming and mechanisation, a process they say was made much easier because her head was already so empty.

Forsyth’s agent/mechanic said “It’s a shame. This will be the first time Bruce has missed a show since  2006, when he shortcircuited and was accidentally reprogrammed to kill all of humanity. Even then we were still able to broadcast the first half of the show, until the bodies started piling up.

“Hopefully though, if repairs go well, his temporarily disembodied head might be brought out on a tray to watch proceedings, whilst I tinker with the motors in his chest cavity backstage.”

 

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