Osborne fails to complete wall on live TV

by philapilus

Presumably the chancellor’s catchphrase about finishing the job doesn’t apply in any concrete way

George Osborne has been criticised after doing a very half-assed bit of bricklaying which was caught by BBC cameras.

Journalists had tracked down the chancellor on a building site, where he spoke about the Spending Review and the economy, whilst working on a wall.

But to the nation’s surprise, after making his statement the chancellor downed his trowel, took off his helmet and hi-vis jacket, and was driven away in a Rolls Royce.

Builder Tim Twanks said “I was really pissed off. He turned up this morning and we thought ‘finally, he’s going to do something useful’, but he just laid one brick, spoke to the cameras for ten minutes, and fucked off.

“I thought maybe he’d gone to get us a round of coffees but he never came back. We’re going to have to finish the wall without him.  And I’ll have to knock out the brick he put in as well, cos it’s all wonky. Fucking useless.”

Television-watcher, Wendy Nailinthehead, said “I can’t remember anything Mr Osborne said, because he used sentences with difficult words, like ‘deficit’. I was pleased, however, to see he was doing an honest day’s labour building one of those new houses he keeps promising the country.

“But he only did it for two minutes, and then buggered off. I am beginning to think it was just some sort of publicity stunt.”

The chancellor’s office confirmed that Mr Osborne had not managed to finish the entire wall in the ten minutes he was on site but insisted that he had made a very major contribution, adding “he will be billing the building firm for a morning’s work, rounding up, and charging his customary hourly fee.”

The contractor, Homes For Everyone, announced this afternoon it has had to lay off 30% of its staff to pay Mr Osborne for the brick he laid.


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