EXCLUSIVE POLL! 1 in 5 writers for The Sun would DROWN A DOG!

by unpseudable
dog

Tom Newton Dunn, Political Editor of The Sun wants to DROWN THIS DOG*

An exclusive TMB poll of current writers for The Sun newspaper has revealed that a shocking 19% would voluntarily drown a dog.

Furthermore, a shocking 38% of respondents said yes they would ‘probably’ or ‘definitely’ burn every tree on the planet.

Ethics guru, Gary Uru responded to these shocking statistics. “These shocking statistics reveal the depth to which those on the payroll of The Sun might hypothetically sink.  Well, we always knew that some who wrote for the paper had more in common with the cockroach than you or me, but this poll reveals the true possible depravity of these people.  It is shocking.  Truly shocking.”

The questions posed to the representative sample of Sun reporters**, along with their responses were as follows:

  • Would you BURN EVERY TREE ON PLANET EARTH to put a stop to all war, and the need for conflict?

Definitely: 11%; probably: 27%; probably not: 1%; definitely not: 61%.

  • Would you DROWN A DOG (which could potentially subsequently be revived) or shoot the entire metropolitan area of London unprotected into the depths of space, thus killing everyone?

DROWN A DOG: 19%; shoot the entire metropolitan area of London unprotected into the depths of space, thus killing everyone: 73%; don’t know: 8%.

Sun contributor, Nick Dobend responded by arguing that TMB’s exclusive survey has little basis in logic or statistics. “By misrepresenting our views through your ridiculously skewed poll you are in danger of stoking up rabid hatred of Sun writers; of making people think we’re just a bunch of hideous little weasely shits.

“At least our recent poll and scaremongering headline was just intended to stoke up hatred and fear of Britain’s Muslim population.”

 

*Rather than send the entirety of London into the vacuum of space. Probably.

**Representative sample size of 0.

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