Tories warn women: “Stop bleeding everywhere”

by philapilus

Perfect with caviar and a nice brandy

After defeating  a motion to remove the so-called ‘tampon tax’, the Conservative party has reminded women everywhere that bleeding once a month is a luxury and called upon the female population to “just stop menstruating”.

Treasury spokesperson Percy Spoke said “Women need to remember that the whole period thing is basically just one long self-indulgent pampering session enjoyed monthly.

“This whining about the cost of tampons is just another example of the culture of selfishness and excess left over from the Labour years. If you can’t afford them, then just stop bleeding everywhere. It’s that simple.”

Number 10 confirmed that it had no intention to withdraw the tampon tax, and even hinted that it might increase the amount of VAT on feminine products.

David Cameron said “Out of all the women in my social circle, which is basically the wives of all the men from my club, not one of them has ever told me they can’t afford tampons. Clearly these items are not too expensive at all.

“You don’t see Her Majesty the Queen screaming at the girl in Superdrug that she can’t afford them, do you? This is just hysteria, almost certainly thought up by a bunch of menstruating females.”

Samantha Furcup, a woman, said “What a total bunch of hypocritical fuckwits. They’re happy to oppose the EU on things like basic human rights, but not over a stupid tax on an essential product that hurts the poorest in society. Bastards.”

Number 10 responded “Don’t listen to her. She’s probably just bleeding.”

 

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