People “worse than radiation” report claims

by unpseudable

Thriving

A study into the area surrounding Chernobyl has found that wildlife is thriving, despite the high levels of radiation.  The few reports of monstrously mutated ferocious four-headed beasts are as yet unsubstantiated.

The complete absence of human meddling in the area in the 29 years since the explosion at the nuclear reactor has allowed animals to live happily, unhampered by people.

This surprising flourishing of wildlife has led scientists to conclude that humans themselves, just doing ordinary human things, are even worse for the planet than the hideously destructive things they invent.

Report author Arthur Orton stated, “It’s quite an indictment really isn’t it?  Just bit of hanging around and shopping and watching TV is worse than a nuclear meltdown and the worst radioactive fallout the world as ever experienced.  Oh well.”

Meanwhile, bolstered by such news, it is thought that a coalition of creatures may be stoking up animosity in troubled regions of the world in the hope of precipitating nuclear war.

“Quite frankly, if the humans are stupid enough to destroy themselves, it’s their lookout. As for us, thanks to those idiots, it’s the only hope we have to survive,” said Ryan Rowe, rhino.

“Thank fuck that Corbyn’s a one-off.  We can’t have any more do-gooding potential leaders threatening to not blow the planet to shit, now can we?”

Noted environmentalist, David Cameron has however promised to unleash nuclear terror at the first opportunity.

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