2015 tory conference: Hunt mobbed by fans, Cameron praised for tax credit cuts

by philapilus

Beloved

The 2015 Conservative conference has already been judged a huge success, with witnesses describing an electric atmosphere at the Manchester venue.

Activists and party grandees cheered and cried out ‘Hosanna’ as David Cameron arrived riding his giant wild boar, Pickles, and strewing the ground before him with palm leaves.

After the prime minister dismounted he pissed in the face of a street urchin and announced that he would not be changing his mind on withdrawing tax credits from the poor, causing chinless faces to waggle with happiness.

The day also saw George Osborne, Boris Johnson and Theresa May – all potential successors to Mr Cameron – express their love and respect for each other, sharing a skinny-dip in a jacuzzi on the main stage, before massaging one another’s glistening naked bodies with lavendar oil.

Meanwhile health secretary Jeremy Hunt was lionised by union members, who gathered to applaud him and pat him on the back, praising his expert shepherding of the NHS.

The set-piece of the conference’s first day was a black-tie banquet held in unholy celebration of Dennis Healey’s death, during which Tory MPs ate an entire bevy of roasted swans, before engaging in a Satanic orgy culminating in the ritual fucking of pig-heads.

Pundits have agreed that it is shaping up to be the best tory conference ever.

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