North Carolina redefines the concept of age

by unpseudable
Neil Young

You see, it can be confusing *

North Carolina’s legal system has successfully transcended logic with the recent prosecution of two children as adults for exploiting children who were themselves.

Facing up to ten years imprisonment for the possession of revealing selfies, the accused ultimately accepted plea bargains, requiring them to do community service.

Prosecutor, Nick Dobend, expressed his thoughts on the result: “Well, of course I was gunning for a custodial sentence, but we sure did teach them kids a lesson! Oh yeah, I know all those whiny liberals think it must be some kinda big hoax. But they don’t seem to get that these laws are there so that we can prosecute our children.

“Protect or prosecute? Well, one or the other. Most of the letters are the same, ain’t they?”

The adult/child criminal/victims responded to the outcome with a prepared statement: “We are so relieved that justice has now been done: the perpetrators have been brought to justice, and the long process of healing can begin.

“And we also feel just awful about causing our terrible suffering, and will take a long, hard look at ourselves while carrying out our punishment.

“Whilst fully clothed, of course.”

In addition to community service, the teenagers will not be allowed to own a phone for a year, and have to promise to keep their eyes tightly shut whenever they get changed.

A further charge of serial kidnapping, after it transpired that one of the accused locked himself in whilst using the bathroom on various occasions, was ultimately dropped.


* Neil YOUNG – see?

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