Archive for September 30th, 2015

September 30, 2015

North Carolina redefines the concept of age

by unpseudable
Neil Young

You see, it can be confusing *

North Carolina’s legal system has successfully transcended logic with the recent prosecution of two children as adults for exploiting children who were themselves.

Facing up to ten years imprisonment for the possession of revealing selfies, the accused ultimately accepted plea bargains, requiring them to do community service.

Prosecutor, Nick Dobend, expressed his thoughts on the result: “Well, of course I was gunning for a custodial sentence, but we sure did teach them kids a lesson! Oh yeah, I know all those whiny liberals think it must be some kinda big hoax. But they don’t seem to get that these laws are there so that we can prosecute our children.

“Protect or prosecute? Well, one or the other.

read more »

Advertisements
September 30, 2015

Entire office wondering what toilet brush does

by philapilus

‘Word of warning though; don’t use them to stir your coffee because it’ll taste rank’

It has been revealed that the entire staff of a company are completely flummoxed by a  plastic stick with bristles which has been discovered in the toilets.

IT solutions company, Solutions For IT, found that its seventy-six employees had literally no idea what the object was, nor why it sat next to the lavatory pan.

They were however all agreed that the toilets were absolutely filthy, and demanded management do something about it.

As part of its investigation into why its staff found cleaning the toilet after using it so fucking difficult, Solutions For IT discovered that almost half of them used the brush as a backscratcher – which is not as unhygienic as it sounds, given that it has never entered the loo.

Nobody was able to even hazard a guess as to its true purpose.

Receptionist Wendy Nailinthehead said “Sometimes when I’m in there explosively shitting, or looking at Tinder, or just hiding, I like to pretend that thing is a microphone, and I mime singing ‘Young Hearts Run Free’ into it.

“Presumably that’s not what it’s really for though?”

Marketing Drone Tim Twanks said “I’ve never noticed it before, but then my attention is always drawn to the filth all over the pan, the seat, and often the floor as well.

“When I am at home I don’t usually coat the room in my excrement, because I would have to clear it up. But in public spaces it normally just disappears of its own accord, doesn’t it? Well not here! It’s a disgrace that they make us use that loo.

“Can you pass me that plastic thingy in the pot? I ate onions for lunch and I want to brush my teeth with it.”

read more »