Corbyn refuses to sing ‘Happy Birthday’

by philapilus

Jeremy Corbyn has caused an outcry amongst the conservative press, after it was revealed that he did not sing Happy Birthday during a party at the weekend.

According to witnesses, Jeremy arrived at the party and appeared to be engaging normally. He made full use of the bouncy castle, ate fistfuls of Wotsits and Iced Gems, and took part in both Musical Statues and Pass-the-Parcel – although he did suggest everyone should share the prizes.

But the Mail, Telegraph and the Sun all report that Corbyn then refused to sing Happy Birthday when the cake appeared, and gave only a very half-arsed clap when the candles were blown out.

Jeremy has denied being a surly killjoy, but the Labour leader’s heinous refusal to mouth the lyrics has landed him in considerable trouble, and has dominated headlines today.

The Telegraph opined that “Corbyn cannot be trusted to govern”, the Sun said “Crazy Corb hates birthdays” and the Mail went with “Commie Corbyn worst human since Gandhi”.

Labour issued a statement saying “Jeremy was sat down on the Naughty Step for fifteen minutes, and has been instructed to write ‘I will sing Happy Birthday’ at all future parties twenty times on a piece of paper.”

The public however seemed indifferent. Retail assistant Tim Twanks said “Oh for fuck’s sake, who cares?”

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