New neolithic site completely ruins pagan maps

by philapilus

“People probably think we look stupid now”

Druids have expressed outrage at the discovery of an enormous neolithic monument less than 2 miles from Stonehenge, claiming that “All the leylines are completely fucked up now”.

Self-proclaimed chief-druid, Uther Merlin Mordred (who legally changed his name from Jeff Scone), said “Can you blame us for being cross? This has ruined years of work.

“Imagine you got a Feng Shui expert to do the room you live in in your mum’s house, right, and he did it all beautifully, but then some other bugger comes along while you’re out buying paints from Games Workshop and just chucks all the furniture all over the place .

“That’s basically what this discovery has done. We spent years mapping out the leylines, carefully measuring the arcs of magic crossing this ancient land with the power of crystals, and now there’s an even bigger bloody monument which we missed completely.

“This is a sad day for pagan cartography.”

Female druid Wendy Nailinthehead said “How am I supposed to know where to perform the ancient magical druidic dance, handed down over millenia and taught to me by Jill from Penge? Do I dance at Stonehenge, or at this new place?

“This has raised really, really important questions.”

Historian Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough School of Stone Age Studies, said “We found some more really big rocks, only this time they’re under the ground. This amazing discovery tells us that our ancestors liked really big rocks even more than we previously thought. Hooray.

“Christ I’ve wasted my life.”

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