Archive for September 7th, 2015

September 7, 2015

Cameron to announce card and flowers for refugees

by philapilus

“They’re only coming for our ludicrously generous state benefits – there’s absolutely nothing wrong with their own homes” said the complete c*nts of the British right-wing press, until 5 minutes ago 

David Cameron will lay out his new strategy for dealing with the mass migration problem this afternoon, which is expected to involve having a quick whip round for a commiserations card and a bouquet of flowers from a petrol station.

Sources close to the Prime Minister say he “will praise the courage of Syrian refugees, before promising to send the posey of flowers – and possibly a pack of Rich Tea biscuits that he’s had in the cupboard for ages and which no one has eaten.”

Mr Cameron will also, it is hinted, ask any

read more »

Advertisements
September 7, 2015

New neolithic site completely ruins pagan maps

by philapilus

“People probably think we look stupid now”

Druids have expressed outrage at the discovery of an enormous neolithic monument less than 2 miles from Stonehenge, claiming that “All the leylines are completely fucked up now”.

Self-proclaimed chief-druid, Uther Merlin Mordred (who legally changed his name from Jeff Scone), said “Can you blame us for being cross? This has ruined years of work.

“Imagine you got a Feng Shui expert to do the room you live in in your mum’s house, right, and he did it all beautifully, but then

read more »