“Corbyn isn’t much like Blair” warns Campbell

by philapilus

“He’s got huge tusks that come out of his jaw about this far, and if we make him leader then he’ll use them to impale babies”

Alastair Campbell has warned Labour members against voting for Jeremy Corbyn, explaining that Corbyn is not Tony Blair, and furthermore “doesn’t even look like him”.

Campbell who was the communications director and enforcer for the Blair government, has told party members that the left-wing leadership candidate is “dangerously unBlair; he doesn’t appear to be remotely interested in Blairism, doesn’t sound or taste like Blair, and doesn’t even remind me of that useless tub of fox excrement Gordon Brown.”

Jeremy Corbyn is leading the polls by a substantial margin, and current figures indicate he will definitely be the next Labour leader – something which New Labourites are describing as “the beginning of Ragnarok.”

Supporters for the veteran left-winger have retorted that the current Labour grandees are a bunch of cunts who couldn’t win an election if they were led by God Almighty, and that since Blair and his followers had managed to completely destroy all faith in the Labour party, perhaps it might be a good idea to try a new direction.

Mr Corbyn urged caution and calm amongst party members, saying “You might not think I am Prime Ministerial material, and I can understand that. But why don’t we just let the democratic election go ahead, and see what happens?”

But Mr Campbell said “The tories are having a field day over the divisions in our party and the scaremongering surrounding this leadership election. Therefore it is for some reason vital that I implore you not to vote for Jeremy by removing all my clothes, covering myself in bees, and screaming like a lunatic from the top of Big Ben about how he is the antichrist.

“It’s the only way to show the Conservatives that we stand united.”

 

 

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