North Korea changes position of the Earth in relation to Sun

by philapilus

LORD OF TIME AS WELL AS ALL CREATION

North Korea has altered the supposedly intractable gravitational forces exerted on our planet by the Sun, in order to move out of the timezone imposed on the country by “the evil Japanese empire”.

Pyongyang announced this morning that the all-powerful Kim Jong-Un “leapt into space with one jump, and then, standing in a temporal vacuum, used his incredible muscles to move planetary alignments just enough to change the time by half an hour.

“It may sound impossible to Western devils and degenerates, but we in North Korea are blessed with a Superman who guides us with perfect wisdom.

“Also, the reason we eat grass has nothing to do with the dire poverty and famine across the country; it is just that the grass bestowed upon us by Kim Jong-Un is as sweet and sustaining as nectar. So fuck off with all your propaganda.”

Other nations around the world began emergency meetings to discuss North Korea’s changing of time itself, and whether life as we know it could even go on anymore.

But then everyone realised it had made absolutely fuck-all difference to anything.

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