News briefs: “England’s my bitch now ” says Sturgeon

by philapilus

Sturgeon was last seen heading to Westminster in her Ministerial transport

The First Minister of Scotland has said that if England thinks it can decide anything by itself it is “very much fucking mistaken”, after hearing proposals that would allow only English MPs to vote on legislation applicable only to England.

Sturgeon said “I don’t care if it’s a law proposing what temperature to cook Roast Beef at on St George’s Day. You’re not fucking doing it without asking me first. D’ye ken?”

Tory ministers have attempted to paint the First Minister as “a noisome busybody with all the viciousness of a pike”, which everyone has agreed is a cheap and nasty slight, forgiveable only because it is true. But critics allege the Conservative government is just using this an excuse to railroad Scottish power out of Westminster.

But a Number 10 spokesperson said “That would drastically mistake mean-minded incompetence for evil scheming. Frankly we just don’t have the intellectual calibre for the latter.”

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