“Glastonbury gone all corporate for booking Kanye” says man who paid £230 for ticket

by philapilus

Not Crosby, Stills or Nash

Festival goer Tim Twanks has accused Glastonbury of “failing to live up to its hippy credentials”, adding that when he paid £230 for a ticket he hadn’t for one minute expected that the festival was a remotely commercial enterprise.

Twanks returned to work this morning and told colleagues that an appearance by Kanye West had ruined his weekend and permanently undermined Gastonbury’s credibility as far as he was concerned.

“Free love, temporary tattoos, and £15.50 bottles of water is what I expected. I wanted to hear lo-fi indie bands like the Who, not big commercial musicians like Kanye. He didn’t even play the guitar!”

Twanks was only one of the dissenters complaining about West’s appearance. A petition to unbook him garnered over 130,000 signatures. However the egomaniacal performer still played, albeit with a very pared down, empty stage to accomodate his massive, massive head.

Twanks’ colleague Samantha Furcup said “Yeah last week Tim was all like ‘This is my Woodstock, I’m going to be spiritually healed, and come back way more zen than the rest of you. Sleeping wild in my tent like the earth-lover I am, defecating in a field; it’ll be brilliant.’ He is an insufferable shit, and we’re all delighted that ‘Yeezus’ ruined it for him.

“I went to Glasto when I was 17, did loads of drugs, got pissed, and listened to actual rock bands. And it was still a massive pile of corporate wank. There’s a reason they do the festival every year, and guess what; it’s not because they’re hippies who aren’t interested in dosh.”

Entertaining, definitely. Somehow unsullied by anything as crass as popular music and commercial interests, not so much.

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