Archive for June 30th, 2015

June 30, 2015

UK sends bit of fence to France

by philapilus

“Fortunately fences are impossible to break, or indeed to scale” said Brokenshire

The UK government has announced it will send the National Barrier Asset to Calais, to help desperate authorities there cope with the scale of migrants trying to enter Britain illegally.

The National Barrier Asset was developed in the aftermath of terrorist attacks and has been described with glowing reverence by the Ministry of Defence as ‘a really quite long bit of fence’.

Immigration minister, James Brokenshire, said “A shorter bit of the long bit of fence will be sent to France and deployed at their end of the Eurotunnel, to show just

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June 30, 2015

“Glastonbury gone all corporate for booking Kanye” says man who paid £230 for ticket

by philapilus

Not Crosby, Stills or Nash

Festival goer Tim Twanks has accused Glastonbury of “failing to live up to its hippy credentials”, adding that when he paid £230 for a ticket he hadn’t for one minute expected that the festival was a remotely commercial enterprise.

Twanks returned to work this morning and told colleagues that an appearance by Kanye West had ruined his weekend and permanently undermined Gastonbury’s credibility as far as he was concerned.

“Free love, temporary tattoos, and £15.50 bottles of water is what I

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