“ISIS delighted by gay marriage verdict” says CNN

by philapilus

CNN also revealed this ISIS cell “taking time out from its busy programme of repression and violence to celebrate hot man-on-man action”

CNN has said ISIS is “completely thrilled” by the US Supreme Court’s decision to legalise gay marriage nationwide.

The revelation came after star correspondent Lucy Pawle reported spotting the fundamentalist religious organisation’s flag at a gay pride event in London.

A spokesman for CNN said “I know you’re all probably quite surprised by this, but ISIS are huge fans of gay marriage. Or ‘marriage’ as we should all just get used to calling it.

“Yeah, ISIS are kind of extreme on certain things, but as far as gaying it up goes, they just can’t get enough. That’s what all the squiggly Arabic on their flag says; ‘YES PLEASE TO LGBT EQUALITY’. I bet you all feel really stupid for badmouthing them now.”

Some critics have suggested that the flag seen at the march was actually festooned with sex toys rather than ISIS slogans, and that the marching murderers featured in propaganda videos “tend not to wave pictures of buttplugs about”.

But CNN has denied that it rushed a report on air before fact-checking, and has announced that Lucy Pawle’s future at the network is completely secure.

ISIS member Ahmed Malik said “Gayness very important to us. We martyrs very gay. Gay every day. March gaily with gay smile. All we care about is be gay for God, filled with gayness. We have gayness on faces as we die for great cause. Let no one say that I not die gaily for my cause. I will strive be gayest marty of all time”

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