Queen ‘to move into a Travelodge’

by philapilus

It’s thought she might change her mind when she actually sees one

The Royal Household has today said it is looking into the option of putting the Queen up at a Travelodge whilst extensive repairs to Buckingham Palace take place.

According to contractors the maintenance work, expected to cost £150m, will require the palace to be vacated because “Prince Philip can’t be trusted not to open fire on Polish builders.”

The Queen’s suggestion that she be put up at the Ritz however was vetoed, after the famed hotel apologetically explained that only Russian or Qatari billionaires are accepted as guests.

The decision is now being made as to whether the monarch will be put up in a Travelodge or Holiday Inn, although the Home Office has raised the possibility of accomodating Her Majesty at a Butlins holiday camp.

The Royal Household explained that maintenance of the palace is long overdue. Sir Arthur Theremin, Keeper of the Loose Change, said “As with all royal palaces, Buck house has fallen into serious disrepair over the years. It’s as if the house has been occupied for decades by an elderly lady who hasn’t changed the decor since the war. Which of course is the case.

“But I think the public are behind this. I don’t think a single true Briton would be able to sleep at night, dwelling on the chilling thought that the Queen lives in the kind of knick-knack filled shithole that your gran does.”

Royalist Wendy Nailinthe head said “Take my chequebook, my carkeys, the deeds to my house – take it all! Just please make sure she doesn’t have to live like the rest of the country’s old people.”


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