Mark Cavendish shock revelation: ‘sprint cycling is not like going bowling’

by philapilus

“Not much like changing into your pyjamas either” explains Cavendish

Sprint cyclist Mark Cavendish has blown the lid off the secretive world of the sport, after dropping the bombshell that “Cycling’s not similar to chess, ten-pin bowling, sumo wrestling or juggling in any way whatsoever – it’s actually quite unique.”

The world champion offered these important insights in an interview with the BBC – a major journalistic coup for the organisation, as until now everyone had imagined cycling was a bit like putting up shelves, or maybe cooking a risotto.

BBC spokesperson Percy Spoke said “It’s extraordinary. Cavendish has revealed the arcane secrets of the sport, and explained that when you’re on the saddle, you sort of push the pedals, they go round, and the bike moves along. Turns out that sprint-cycling is more like normal cycling than anything else.

“Certainly not much like Backgammon. And nothing whatsoever like ’80s MB boardgame classic, Heroquest.”

Cavendish also revealed to the BBC that “A lot of people think a bike has stabilisers, but those are only for when you’re starting out, or if you’re a dwarf.

“There’s a lot of tactics in cycyling. You’re always trying to make sure that you aren’t going to come last, and you achieve that by trying to pedal a bit faster than everybody else. If you manage that, you might win.

“Another thing lots of people probably don’t know is that it’s VERY important not to get off and eat a pizza until the race is over. It’s just like the tortoise and the hair. If they were riding bikes.”


Next week the BBC unveils the never-before explained secrets of snooker: “It’s nothing like pushing a Guy Fawkes effigy down the road on a cart and asking for copper pennies” says Willie Thorne



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