Archive for June 15th, 2015

June 15, 2015

People still inexplicably listening to David Starkey

by philapilus

“Bweaaarrkkk!!! Kweaauurrkkkk CLUK CLUK! BUK-BUK QWEAAARRKK!”

There has been public shock today, after it transpired that some terminally unwise people actually listened while David Starkey spouted some more of his bullshit.

The cantankerous TV ‘history buff’ opened his mouth and allowed a huge river of shit to pour out – ostensibly to liken the SNP to the Nazis, although he was probably just trying to see how much shit he could spew before the room was full and everyone had to leave.

But new SNP MP Jock McStrap said “Wuir nae gon’ tae stan’ fer it! Wuir nae a violent nassty peeple! Wuir peesful as yon next man! Starkey bin takin’ shite an’ weez gon’ tae heidbutt ‘im an gie ‘im a Glasgie smile an’ leev him burrnin’ in

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June 15, 2015

Cricket now a full contact sport

by philapilus

Makes sense; they’ve already got body armour and massive wooden swords.

The game of cricket this weekend underwent the most radical change since its codification in the 18th century, after being redesignated as a full contact sport.

The first match under the new rules also saw the game’s first ever ultra-brutal takedown, when Rory Burns and Moises Henrique collided so violently that they were both hospitalised.

Umpire Roland Stump said “It was a brilliant tackle by both men – the only slight problem with which was that they weren’t on opposing teams. But we’ve only

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