Christopher Lee “will rise again”

by philapilus


Occult experts, film critics, journalists, and those unwashed creatures that make up the general public have all said that actor Christopher Lee will almost certainly come back from the dead within the next few days.

The veteran actor, who died yesterday at the age of 93, starred in numerous films, many of which involved his character being killed, only to rise again and cause havoc, just like Jesus.

Undead enthusiast Abraham Van Helsing said “We’ve not seen the last of Lee. He’s come back as an Egyptian mummy, a vampire, Frankenstein’s monster – you name it. There’s no way he’s staying dead.

“I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he’s alive again already.”

IT assistant Wendy Nailinthehead, who specialises in turning it off and on again, said “Definitely coming back. They’ve probably put a stake in his heart and lined the casket with garlic, but you mark my words, an undertaker will catch his finger on a rose, a drop of blood will fall on the coffin, and whoosh! Christopher will be back.”

A survey has shown that the majority of people are either genuinely convinced Lee will return as an undead being, or are making a rather poor joke about it* – but there is a small minority who staunchly deny the likelihood of his resurrection.

Samantha Furcup, death specialist, said “When people die they don’t come back. That’s the difference between death and going to Hull.

“Anyway, Christopher Lee wouldn’t want to return because he will be reunited in the afterlife with Peter Cushing, and they can spend a happy eternity continuing their long-standing monster vs monster-killer battle for the entertainment of heaven’s cinema audience.

“Can you imagine how fucking amazing that would be? A Hammer horror that never ended? I wish I was dead, it’s so unfair.”


* as – unashamedly – are we

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