Cameron’s tough-talk to cabinet on EU ‘unrelated to warning from Obama’

by philapilus

The Prime Minister said “Do not fuck with me on this, because you will lose and you will die. I am definitely completely in charge here. Disagree with me and I will end you.”

But critics have suggested that Mr Cameron is acting tough to save face, after a weekend in which Barack Obama “heavily suggested” Britain should not cut defence spending, and that he “looked forward” to Britain staying in the EU.

A source close to the PM said “It was quite chilling. Dave was sick with nerves, his ham-like face pink and soaked with perspiration. Obama was sitting behind an enormous desk like Don Corleone.

“When Cameron stammered that we might leave the EU, Obama went very, very quiet. Then he made a short, threatening speech about respect and how unfortunate it was when people didn’t give it, before adding that he was ‘looking forward’ to hearing that Britain was staying in.

“Angela Merkel led the shaking Prime Minister from the room, and dismissed him saying ‘you’ve been told, paisano’.”

Number 10 dismisses these claims however. A spokesman said the timing of Cameron’s pronouncement is “purely coincidental. As is the Defence Secretary’s suggestion that Britain might again become a base for American cruise missiles. It’s just part of the whole retro 70s vibe thing that’s happening at the moment. It’s a fashion thing.

“We certainly don’t bow to any old diktat coming from Washington! Oh god, whatever you do please don’t print that will you?”

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