Archive for June 4th, 2015

June 4, 2015

Ed Miliband found rescuing kittens

by philapilus

“God told me to find them, bless their sweet little paws”

The former Leader of the Opposition Ed Miliband has been found wandering up and down motorways rescuing kittens, according to Thames Valley Police.

Making a statement to the press, PC McGarry of the Missing Politicians unit, said “I can confirm that having disappeared after his disastrous electoral defeat almost a month ago, Ed was found by a patrol vehicle, cycling along the hard shoulder of the M4 with a net and a little cage containing several feral cats.”

Mr Miliband initially pretended to be a Welshman called Dai Cheesebag, but officers found his House of Commons pass in his jacket pocket and

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June 4, 2015

Perjury “fine if it’s just a bit of silly fun” says High Court

by philapilus

“What does this thing do?”

The High Court has declared that perjury is basically no problem provided that it’s done “in a light-hearted way”, after Andy Coulson’s trial collapsed yesterday over a technicality.

Lord Judge Justice General Judge Arthur Theremin decided that it didn’t matter whether or not Coulson had perjured himself, because “If he did do it, then it was done in an immaterial, pulling-your-leg type of way.

Lord Theremin said “Everyone bullshits, and who cares if someone is – or isn’t – a lying little arsehole? Not saying that

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