Jeremy Hunt launches attack on himself over NHS agency bills

by philapilus

“I am a total fuckwit, what am I?”

The Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has launched a scathing attack on “the blithering idiot who in the last Parliament got rid of all those nurses and nurse training places, sending our agency staff bills shooting sky-high and making it harder for us to find staff.”

After the bill for agency staff rose from £1.8bn to £3.3bn over the last three years, Mr Hunt said that the Minister for Health who presided over such failure “must have been one of the most gigantic bell-ends the world has ever seen, and a total innumerate pillock to boot. ”

He added that “Bringing in doctors at £3,500-per-shift is a disgrace, and I can’t believe the taxpayers haven’t revolted against that useless stream of piss. Who I’m sorry to say was, um, me.

“We should find this moron – ie me – and string him – I mean me -up from a lamp-post by his – I mean my – bollocks!”

Hunt’s attack on himself follows the self-assassination of several high-profile tories, including Michael Gove’s assault on “the last Education Secretary, a nincompoop who left our schools in a parlous state” and Theresa May’s vituperative dismissal of her own failure to bring down immigration numbers as “clearly the kind of shit-faced cock-up that only a total twat could manage”.

A spokesperson for the Royal College of Nursing, Percy Spoke, said “Can we go back to calling the Health Secretary ‘Jeremy Cunt’, like the BBC used to? It didn’t make the NHS any less fucked, but it made us all feel slightly better.”

But Mr Hunt said “Jeremy Cunt? Hah! Cunt’s too good a nickname for that tory bastard! How I hate him.”

 

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