Archive for June 2nd, 2015

June 2, 2015

Jeremy Hunt launches attack on himself over NHS agency bills

by philapilus

“I am a total fuckwit, what am I?”

The Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has launched a scathing attack on “the blithering idiot who in the last Parliament got rid of all those nurses and nurse training places, sending our agency staff bills shooting sky-high and making it harder for us to find staff.”

After the bill for agency staff rose from £1.8bn to £3.3bn over the last three years, Mr Hunt said that the Minister for Health who presided over such failure “must have been one of the most gigantic bell-ends the world has ever seen, and a total innumerate pillock to boot. ”

He added that “Bringing in doctors at £3,500-per-shift is a disgrace, and I can’t believe the taxpayers haven’t revolted against that useless stream of piss. Who

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June 2, 2015

‘Robot cheetahs definitely not a bad idea’ say scientists

by philapilus

They live only to serve us. Probably.

Scientists presenting a robot cheetah at the DARPA Robotics Challenge this weekend have said there is no chance that the autonomous deathbots represent any kind of threat.

Head roboticist Professor Hamish McEyebrau said “These sleek, mechanised beings can move at great speed, avoid obstacles with ease, and tear through flesh and bone as easily as you or I might through blancmange. They’re almost certainly harmless though. Probably. I mean, why

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