Nick Clegg ‘over the moon’ Russia has heard of him

by philapilus

We didn’t have a picture of him in the photo library, and no one can remember what he looks like

Nick Clegg is said to be ‘incredibly excited’ and ‘over the moon’ after Russia announced he was banned from entering the country – thus proving that they actually knew who he was.

The former deputy prime minister has spent the weeks since the election sitting mournfully on a park bench in Victoria Tower Gardens, crying into his fists.

But sources close to Nick said his misery turned to jubilation when he heard his name was in the papers.

Clegg’s friend, Wendy Nailinthehead, said “He was so excited! Shouting at the top of his voice that he was still a player.

“Then he started ranting about how Russia couldn’t keep him down, and he would never be silenced. But the guy who empties the bins told him to shut up and Nick ran away and hid behind a bush.”

Clegg told reporters “I was definitely going to go to Russia as well. I had some really important meetings scheduled. I have loads of important meetings, you know. And files. I read really important documents all the time.

“Not going to Russia is a blow for me, because of all the important stuff I had to do. I’ll just have to do it somewhere else. I have loads coming up. Lots in the pipeline. Yep. Busy busy busy.”

Russian foreign minister Ivan Everhaditoff said “Clegg is one from Last of Summer Wine, yes? With flat cap and raincoat? We not allow Yorkshire person to enter Mother Russia, because of Last of Summer Wine is decadent Western propaganda. Old people should work in labour camp, not sit on dry stone wall fantasise about old lady’s stockings.”

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