Blair takes up new role as Middle East ‘war envoy’

by philapilus

Just an all-round great feller

The former British prime minister Tony Blair has said his decision to step down as peace envoy to the middle east was motivated by “the offer of a much more interesting role as war ambassador to the region.”

Blair’s tenure as peace envoy was always troubled by accusations that he was the wrong man for the job. Partly because he had previously been involved in destroying quite a bit of the Middle East, and partly because he achieved fuck-all in 8 years.

But after quitting the post yesterday, he told reporters “I’ve assessed my options to contribute to the world and decided – by which I mean ‘have been offered a much better salary’ –¬† to spread war and discord instead.

“Sort of like a horseman of the apocalypse. Only a friendly one, with a hairline like a distant retreating wave on an empty, blasted shore, and a smile that any used car-dealer would be proud to possess.”

One analyst said “Tony will spend much of his time attending the same meetings, saying the same things to the same people. Only now he won’t have to pretend he’s actually doing anything other than raking in the cash and pissing people off.”

Wendy Nailinthehead, a simpleton gratifyingly unencumbered by an unwieldy intellect said “Ha! B-liar is finally showing his true colours! He’s just, like, Bush’s poodle! It was all about the oil! They wanted war all along! Wake up people!”

But Middle East expert, Professor Hamish McEyebrau said “Actually we are still hoping for peace. But you have to use reverse psychology in deploying someone as ghastly as Tony.

“Hopefully the sight of that ingratiating little fuckhead telling the Arabs and Israelis to start full-scale war will be enough to convince both sides to jack it all in in disgust.”



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