Your mum and dad now superstars of fashion industry

by philapilus

She’s got it going on

It has emerged this morning that, much to your shame, your parents are now considered to be the epitome of cool.

After that suede skirt of your mum’s (which she bought in M&S in 1973) took the fashion world by storm, it was decided that from now on all new designs would be run past her sharp, commercial eye.

Simultaneously, the news that your father’s Dad Bod is now the very definition of sexy has had hordes of fashionistas following him round, recording his ill-advised diet, lack of exercise regime and dress-sense, for the purposes of mass-marketing his idiosyncratic style in GQ and Men’s Health.

The new male and female trends have been seen as bringing a new sartorial conservatism into fashion, which the industry has welcomed, as many models were complaining about dresses that keep disappearing up their arseholes.

Your mum said “It’s about time people stopped wearing those horrible trousers that stop several inches above your heels as well. It’s not big, and it’s not clever. Also, who wants to see cleavage? No one, that’s who.”

Her new line for Chanel – based on old lines from M&S and Debenhams – features a range of gentle pastel tones, floral patterns, and nothing short enough to expose varicose veins. Chanel’s sales team confirmed that the line has sold out before even hitting the shops.

Your dad, who was wearing socks, sandals, a vest, and a pair of Bermuda shorts he bought in Majorca in 1986, said “The secret to a great body is beer. Lots of beer. And also, at work I throw away the sandwiches your mum makes me and get a sneaky 3-course lunch in the canteen every day. Then I go home and have a full dinner as well.

“Sweet.”

Fashion journalist, Samantha Furcup, said “I much preferred it when cynical money-grubbing marketing-whores from the big brands sold us unbelievably overpriced shit that we were meant to throw out every time there was a new ‘season’. It’ll never last, this fad for mediocrity.”

But your mum said “My clothes are comfy. They don’t cost a fortune. I don’t give a fuck.”

 

 

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