ISIS to assume curatorial duties in Palmyra

by philapilus

Deeply fond of culture

Islamic State militants announced today that they would be taking over the curating and preservation of the UNESCO World Heritage Site of Palmyra, the ruins of which are amongst the most important in the ancient world.

The IS spokesman for antiquities, Abdul ‘the beheader’ Aziz, said “People think that all we do is go around barbarically destroying anything that doesn’t fit a very specific and medieval version of Islam. But that’s not true.

“For instance, as an archaeologist, I am fascinated by the Temple of Bel, even if it is a place of heathen worship, and… oh hang on, sorry, I think that explosion was probably the temple. Well, to be fair, we probably had to do that one.

“But just look at all the beautiful columns, rising majestically from the…ah…well they were until a moment ago. Nevermind.”

“Look the thing is, every ancient site can do with a bit of pruning. That’s just common sense. And once we’ve torn out all the idolatrous statues of infidels and their ‘gods’ we can put up new ones of Mohamm… oh, um, no we can’t, actually, can we. But we can certainly fill this irreligious void with our other great cultural achievements of…erm…hang on, I’ll think of something in a minute.”

The international community has questioned whether IS has what it takes to curate a major archaeological site, or whether they will make “as hideous a fucking mess of this as they do of everything else.”

But Aziz ‘the beheader’ said “Look, trust us. Ruins is what we’re really good at, OK? I mean, you want good ruins, we’re your guys.”

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