A day in the afterlife: Dean Potter

by philapilus

SO much more fun if you know you’re likely to crack your head open at the bottom

Well, just got here today, and the prospects seemed really exciting. It’s no Yosemite, but it is very high up.

First thing I did was scale the pearly gates, which is quite hard as there’s not much grip on pearl. Was ace, although this bearded dude kept jangling his keys and shouting at me to come down and walk in like everyone else. I was like ‘No way dude!’

So I got inside, and there’s these clouds everywhere, so I’m basejumping between them, but then I realise – they’re all really soft! Everything is soft, and safe, and there’s no jeopardy at all! BOR-ING! I tried doing a paraglide back down to Earth, and this angel says to me that you can’t get down there. If you jump off, they fly you back up again.

I asked what there is to do, and he gave me a harp! A sodding harp! Quickly pulled all the strings off and tied them together to make one long wire, which I’ve been stringing up and walking across most of the morning. But it’s not the same if you’re not hundreds of feet above certain death.

I told the angel-dude that it wasn’t really my thing, and he said that peace and rest is all they’ve got. I said “there must be something else”, and he was like, well there is another place, but it’s a pit full of volcanic ash and lava, with sharp pointy rocks everywhere, and terrible injuries are going on ALL THE TIME.

I told him it sounded awesome, and to put me down for a transfer. He said I’d have to ask God, so I’m going to scale his big Holy knees later on and see if I can get his attention.

Apparently the other place has even got all these dudes with pointy sticks who push you off ledges and stuff! It’s going to be so sweet!

 

 

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