Archive for May 13th, 2015

May 13, 2015

Labour leadership contest: the candidates

by philapilus

They’re a sorry bunch, but just remember: it could be so SO much worse

Following Ed Miliband’s disastrous defeat last week, we bring you an update on all the candidates who have thrown their hats into the ring for the leadership of the Labour party.

Chuka Umunna: Umunna has really won over the youth vote, with his description of West End nightclubbers as ‘trash’. He has been described as the British Barack Obama, not because he resembles the American president, nor has similar politics, but largely because white people can’t name any other black political figures.

Joseph Stalin: Often described as being ‘hard left’, Stalin has vowed to

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May 13, 2015

‘Game of 72’ disappearances welcomed by parents

by philapilus

“No officer, it wasn’t a struggle with kidnappers. This is just the mess the little shit always leaves. Anyway, there’s no hurry to get him back; take your time.”

A supposed social media ‘game’ encouraging children to disappear for 72 hours, has been applauded by parents of absolute little shits.

Police in France warned the general public to be vigilant with their children, after a girl called Emma went missing for three days – which she later claimed was part of an online challange.

But though warnings have spread many parents have expressed their support for the ‘Game of 72’, even encouraging kids to participate.

Parent Mike Ock said “I have personally

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