Archive for May 11th, 2015

May 11, 2015

The TMB guide to Cameron’s new cabinet

by philapilus

 

Eric Pickles will be the new moon

As David Cameron continues to form his new cabinet, we bring you the lowdown on the ministers already appointed:
Prime Minister: Boris Johnson

In a surprise move, David Cameron has decided to make Johnson the head of his new government, though the role will only apply during the night-time when no one is looking. Boris will also take over David’s marital obligations to Samantha

Home Secretary: Michael Gove/Theresa May

The new government’s first cabinet meeting will feature a bloody death-match between these two ministers, who have each demanded the opportunity to stick and disembowel the other like a squealing pig. The victor will

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May 11, 2015

Conservatives introducing ‘complete bastard’ agenda

by philapilus

New policies

David Cameron has announced that his new Conservative majority government will bring in a series of measures “designed to showcase the hideous bastard that lies within our collective soul”.

The prime minister said this morning “I had a great chat with the Queen on Friday, despite the fact we were both massively hungover from all the celebrating.

“I informed Her Majesty that I was going to be scrapping the Human Rights Act, bringing back fox hunting, ratcheting up austerity, clamping down on

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May 11, 2015

Downing Street protestors demand end to “Unfair democratic electoral process”

by philapilus

These thuggish tools of the fascist state will all be shot, and eventually replaced with girls bearing flowers. But in the short term, we’ll need to just use the Revolutionary Guard for a bit

The best way to deal with people in power who you think don’t listen to the People is to get rid of them, even if the People want those people in power, said some people this weekend.

As the Conservative government began to set about the business of running the country following last week’s electoral success, liberal protestors gathered in Downing Street to demand a temporary suspension of draconian democratic elections.

Wendy Nailinthehead, socialist and champion serial masturbator of 2015, said “Boo! Tories! Elitist scum! Serving the

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