Ousted Clegg, Balls and Miliband announce musical career

by philapilus

‘I’ll be the handsome moody one’

The ousted leader of the opposition, deputy prime minister and shadow chancellor have revealed plans for future careers in the music industry.

Ed Balls, Nick Clegg and Ed Miliband announced the launch of their new band ‘All Directions’ this afternoon from a pub on the Old Kent Road.

A visibly inebriated Ed Balls said “I come…I came in ‘ere, and there’s this fella! Nick Whassisname, and he was crooning and crying into a pint of bittetter, and I thought…thass lovely! Thass bloody…hic…lovely!”

Balls revealed that he began an impromptu duet with the weeping Clegg, which the landlord said was “Rich and sonorous, if lacking a bit in the high melodic end.”

But then in came Ed Miliband.

Said Ed “With my naturally high voice I was able to improvise a soprano part over their song – even hitting the high ‘C’, like in Allegri’s Miserere.

“When we finished, everyone in the pub cheered and clapped. And that’s when it hit us. We were all fresh out of work: Boyband.”

All Directions do not yet have a recording contract, or a demo-tape, but the band pointed out that they already had a large potential market amongst the Milifandom base.

“An’…an’…an’ right, if we stick a bag over this miserable fucker’s face,” added Balls, “no one’ll know it’s Nick! So our audiences won’t automacally run away. Sgonna be bloody brillilliant!”

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