Archive for May 8th, 2015

May 8, 2015

Ousted Clegg, Balls and Miliband announce musical career

by philapilus

‘I’ll be the handsome moody one’

The ousted leader of the opposition, deputy prime minister and shadow chancellor have revealed plans for future careers in the music industry.

Ed Balls, Nick Clegg and Ed Miliband announced the launch of their new band ‘All Directions’ this afternoon from a pub on the Old Kent Road.

A visibly inebriated Ed Balls said “I come…I came in ‘ere, and there’s this fella! Nick Whassisname, and he was crooning and crying into a pint of bittetter, and I thought…thass lovely! Thass bloody…hic…lovely!”

Balls revealed that he began an impromptu duet with the weeping Clegg, which the

read more »

Advertisements
May 8, 2015

My electoral victory! by George Galloway

by philapilus

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for ME

Comrades!

Once again the British people have shown their good judgement in supporting myself and the Respect party, giving us yet another decisive election victory!

By selflessly releasing me from my role as their MP, the people of Bradford have shown that they want me to go forth, holding aloft the banner of Respect, to move on to even greater things – and if that isn’t ‘winning’ I don’t know what is!

Yes friends, unable to bear their guilt at having kept me all to themselves, they have

read more »

May 8, 2015

My favourite hat recipes, by Paddy Ashdown

by philapilus

“Of course, when I said I’d literally eat it I didn’t mean I’d literally eat it…”

Hi everyone! Paddy here again, with more of my favourite hat recipes!

As I said to Andrew Neil last night I don’t currently have any hats in the larder – but who does?! They’re so delicious you absolutely have to gobble them up straight away like a really fine chocolate truffle!

But after so many of you generously offered to

read more »