Cameron unveils final election slogan: “Miliband’s a cunt who can’t eat bacon properly”

by philapilus

As the Sun so brilliantly puts it; a cause celebre for our times

As party leaders tear around the country hunting last-minute votes, David Cameron has revealed a final campaign slogan; Miliband is a cunt who can’t even eat a bacon sandwich properly. Vote for me.’

With polls opening in less than 24 hours, Mr Cameron said it was time for voters to focus on the coalition’s record “In particular our most major success; not being photographed making a mess of eating a bacon sandwich.”

The Prime Minister said “I have told Red ‘gay’ Ed, time and again, that if he’d attended Eton he would know sandwich etiquette. He did not, and he does not. Tomorrow is about one thing, and one thing only: voting for a Prime Minister who knows that eating sandwiches is a matter of selecting the appropriate array of cutlery.”

The Conservatives are facing criticisms over the failure to fix the economy, the prevalence of zero-hours contracts, mass-use of foodbanks, and Iain Duncan Smith’s slightly controversial ‘Fuck The Poor’ campaign. But tory candidates across the country have countered by daubing walls with the slogans ‘Ed Balls is a cunt’, ‘Harriet Harman is a twat’, ‘Benn’s bent’, ‘Crud-arse’ and ‘BACONGATE’.

Unemployed political commentator, Tim Twanks, commented “As the parties make their final push for votes, the Conservatives have continued their brilliant ad hominem assault on Ed. Honestly, I just don’t see how anyone can come back from making a stupid bacon-face. ‘Bacongate’ will be Labour’s undoing.”

Labour meanwhile has unveiled its own slogan: ‘We left a massive fucking mess, but we promise we’ll try harder this time, come on; you know we mean well.’ The Lib Dems meanwhile are going with ‘It is – for some reason – vital that we hold the balance of power so that whoever you vote for, you end up with the other party. Assuming there’s any of us left, come Friday’.




%d bloggers like this: