‘Stumbling Ed’ pic replaces ‘Half-drowned Kinnock’ as entire basis for Tory campaign

by philapilus

STUMBLE!!! STUMBLE!!!!!!!

After Ed Miliband’s podium-step stumble on Question Time last night, gleeful Conservatives have said that their strategy for the remainder of this year’s election will be entirely based on showing photos of the stumble.

Lynton Crosby, election organiser for David Cameron and huge fan of the tobacco industry, said “This is fantastic. We don’t need to keep pretending we’re winning the economic argument, or even bother with policies. We’re just going to use the word ‘stumble’ over and over and over again on social media.

“It’ll probably still be good for milking in 2020. Just like when Neil Kinnock fell in the sea, all over again; that photo’s been on every tory manifesto since 1983.”

The Daily Mail’s analysis of the Question Time debate this morning consisted entirely of a 22-page pull-out that unfolds into a gigantic picture of Ed’s trip, which readers can paste up on the front of their houses. The Times went with “Unelectable Ed stumbles”, whilst the Sun had a big picture of Miliband’s stumble on page 2 opposite the topless page 3 girl, the pictures linked by a single double-page caption: ‘Ed boobs again’.

Editorial comments were similarly excoriating, with Miliband now confirmed as some sort of malfunctioning stumbling communist robot. Paul Dacre said “Stumbling Ed can’t even walk down a couple of steps! He probably had his feet amputated and replaced with a pair from a stumbling duck. A French duck. Stumble! STUMBLE!” Quentin Letts offered an analysis of every different permutation of the word ‘stumble’ as both noun and verb. Peter Hitchens wrote a pointed diatribe about how Miliband’s off-balance moment “represents everything that is wrong with this godless nation, stumbling in the Stygian dark of Trotskyite immorality.”

Meanwhile, pressed on the evasiveness of his answers to questions last night, David Cameron said “Ed Miliband stumbled. Did you see? He stumbled. Vote conservative. Ed stumbled.”

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