“Me daily diary-wiary!!” by Russell Brand

by philapilus

ME! MEEE! MEEEEEE!! Why do me fans fink it’s all about MEEEEEEEE?!?!?!

‘ere, you’ll never guess wot! Your ‘umble meself only went and got Ed Miliband to come on me show and ‘ave a pow-wow about all politics an’ that!

If you wanna know the really important stuff wot’s gonna change our perfidious political paradigm, look no further than me Trews, mates! But ‘eres a breakdown of it, just for all you lovelies out there.

So I was all like ‘Well, Ed, all you politicians is well greedy, taking all the wonga wot the rest of us ain’t got – apart from yours truly, but then I’ve only got wonga cos I’m well talented -but anyway, you’re all like, pigs snuffling round in the trough.

And then I says “Why should we vote, when its only participatin’ in the broken, outdated political machinery of gluttony, greed, and the glutinous gloopy gunk wot’s gumming up the gears of our supposedly sophisticated socio-eonomically advanced egalitarian communities?”

And Ed, right, ‘e says (summink like) “Well you gotta ‘ave politicians aintcha, cos wiv the best will in the world, mate, not all the celebs are as big-‘earted and engaged as your good self, Russell me old genius.”

So I says “Yeah but wot we commoners fink is that the entrenched financial elites and powerful companies running our country through their puppet politicians, don’t represent the democratic will of the disenfranchised masses. They’re all like, demagogues detrimental to democracy, innit?”

But Ed says “Yeah but if no one votes then they ain’t gonna stop are they?”

So Ed’s interlocutor, your ‘umble truthsayer, says “Well then it’s revolutionshun mate, sorry but that’s it.”

But then Eddy – ‘e’s got a bit of a brain on ‘im I reckon – ‘e says “Well what if instead of getting rid of the system an’ all of us grubbing for berries in a utopian paradigmatic paradise, wot if we all keep the system, but make it a bit less shite, so’s all them lovely peeps wot follow you can still get, like, T-shirts and mochaccinos and expensive tattoos an’ all that?”

And then I fort, well, ‘e’s only gone and given me summink to fink about!

In conclusion, obviously don’t bovver voting. But if you do, vote for Ed rather than Nige.

But it’d still be better if I’m king.

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