RAF to buy Spitfire as riposte to Russian display of might

by philapilus

This is probably fine, right? Nothing to worry about?

As Russia prepares for the world’s biggest ever military parade, the RAF has announced its intention to purchase a renovated WW2 Spitfire, in a retaliatory show of force.

Whilst Russia’s WW2 celebratory parade will showcase new tanks, ICBM missiles, devices for torturing Ukrainians, and hundreds of T-1000 terminators, Britain will be saving really hard to bolster its own arsenal with a 70-year old plane made of aluminium.

An MoD spokesman said “The RAF – like all our armed services – has suffered from cutbacks in recent years. As such it is now composed of a wingless Harrier Jumpjet mounted on top of a really tall pole, a balsa-wood model of a biplane, and an as-yet untried hang-glider with a small office fan stuck on top.

“I know; it doesn’t sound like much. Did I mention that the pole is really tall though?”

Wing Commander Sir Leslie Fanshawe-Haines-Haines said “Plucky little plane like the good old Spit equals bloody good buy, what? Certainly far more advanced than anything we’ve currently got in active service.

“We’d have to send our remaining pilot somewhere else to learn how to fly a plane this hi-tech. I’ve heard Germanwings turn out good pilots, what?”

The RAF is hoping to be top bidder when the spitfire is auctioned in July, though Fanshawe-Haines-Haines admitted they would be unable to go as high as the anticipated £2.5m price tag.

“We’re very much hoping no one else will bid and we’ll get it for 50 guineas. That’s all we’ve got in the jar at the moment.”

Russian military official, Ivan Neverhaditoff said “Russia big commemorative celebrations to be brilliant. 70 years since Stalin win Second World War single-handed. We spend entire budget of country on new weapons. We take rest of Europe now, yes? Oops! Forget that last bit, yes?”


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