Holborn area of Central London not even trying anymore

by philapilus

This aerial shot of London at night shows how the area known colloquially as ‘Black Hole-born’ is gradually causing the collapse of the wider city around it.

It has become apparent that everyone and everything in the Holborn area of central London no longer cares in the slightest, and is getting ever closer to complete collapse.

After several weeks of calamities- including hellfire spouting from the very streets, buildings falling down, transport services giving up completely, and the fucking awful new Tottenham Court Road station – everyone has agreed that there’s no point bothering anymore.

TFL spokesman, Percy Spoke, said “The whole of the city is gradually crumbling, and we aren’t even trying to provide a proper service now. If you get on a bus, no matter what it says on the front, there is no fucking way it is going anywhere near Holborn.

“Most of the time they screech to a halt on Waterloo Bridge, and the driver dismounts from his little cockpit, and runs away screaming to the comparative safety of the South Bank.”

Wendy Nailinthehead, who used to work at Boots on Kingsway, said “We started a support group for people who could no longer get to work, whose buildings were collapsing, or whose loved ones had been incinerated by the flames leaping from any of Holborn’s streets.

“We used to meet in one of the pubs near Trafalgar Square, but apparently that’ll be the next area sucked down into the bowels of the Earth, so we’re all just going to get the fuck out of dodge and make a break for Bristol, before the Westway self-destructs.”

But estate agent Rick Smarm said “We’re still making a fucking fortune selling broom-cupboard sized rooms to Russian oligarchs for several million quid. None of them live here anyway, so they don’t care.

“And it’s still a better investment than government bonds.”

 

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