New Zealand PM told ‘pulling hair isn’t foreplay’

by philapilus

“Sorry, sorry; tell me again, last time I promise. It’s just really hard to remember. Does no mean yes, or does yes mean no?”

The Prime Minister of New Zealand, John Key, has been sternly reminded today that he isn’t 9 years old, and asked to refrain from pulling the hair of girls he fancies.

Key has had to formally apologise to a waitress whose ponytail he has been habitually pulling for months. Witnesses said however that his contrition was slightly ruined by his subsequent request to grope the waitress’s boobs, by way of making it up to her.

A spokesperson for the Prime Minister said “Mr Key does not consider a bit of light ponytail-tugging to be abusive, any more than a quick slap on the bum would be. It’s political correctness gone mad.

“Girls love it when you do that stuff. It’s like when you grab their boobs and go ‘Honk Honk!’. Everyone knows it’s just for fun! And if it gives you a stiffy, well that’s part of the joke.”

Samantha Furcup, woman, said “People like to mock us antipodeans, calling us uncultured, backwards and unsophisticated. On behalf of all women down under I would like to thank Mr Key for ensuring that this remains the case for the next fucking decade.”

But Australian Prime Minister and comic book villain, Tony Abbott, said “What’s all the bloody fuss about, cobber? A bit of light-hearted fun never hurt no-one. Them bloody Kiwis are a bunch of pussies. They should come to Oz and see how a real man treats a Sheila.

“In my experience, ladies love it when you hold them by the throat, force them to the floor and say ‘Spread ’em and lie still or it’ll hurt even more than last time’ – that’s just good banter!”


%d bloggers like this: