Miliband disappointed after lesbian threesome fails to happen

by philapilus
Group hug

“Can I join in?”

Ed Miliband said he was devastated this morning, after the televised group hug between Nicola Sturgeon, Nathalie Bennett, and the Welsh one, failed to turn into something more erotic.

The all-female cuddle, which took place at the end of the broadcast election debate, was, said Miliband “One of the most exciting moments of my life since becoming an MP, and also one of the most disappointing.”

The Labour leader confessed “I really hoped there might be some kissing, and then maybe one of them would get out the body lotion, and it would suddenly go all Boogie Nights.

“I know they’re not exactly supermodels, but I’m in politics for fuck’s sake. It is not a sexy field. It’s this, or watching Boris Johnson deliberately muck up his hair before public appearances.”

The lesbian menage-a-trois failed to materialise onstage, however, leaving Ed feeling frustrated and empty. But the Labour party insisted this was not a setback, as a close aide explained that the leader has a lot of experience in coping with these emotions.

Ironically Miliband’s opponent, David Cameron, was enjoying an evening of same-sex passion, with the work experience guy, Nick Clegg – hence their non-presence at the debate.

Commentators noted that this was very laudable, and that if only the two men had spent more time in bed over the last 5 years, and less time trying to run the country, we might not be so completely fucked.

Interviewed on television this morning, Nicola Sturgeon said “I do feel a bit sorry for Ed. Especially as Nathalie, the Welsh one and I all went back to the hotel and had an incredible night of unbridled sex, featuring every perversion unknown to man.”

Reports that audible screams of frustration were simultaneously heard reverberating around Labour HQ remain unsubstantiated.

 

 

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