Farage attacks BBC audience “composed entirely of time-travelling Leninists”

by philapilus

“Karl Marx is in my kitchen cupboard!

Nigel Farage has blamed the BBC for audience hostility during last night’s TV debate, claiming that the corporation had filled the seats with time-travellers from the Bolshevik USSR.

During a tirade aimed at one of his thumbs, Farage broke away to castigate the BBC and everyone in the room, saying “I’ve never seen so many Russian revolutionaries in my life! You’re all from that film with the baby carriage and the stairs, and you all want to eat my leg!”

Although David Dimbleby attempted to explain to him the process by which audiences are chosen, Farage ignored him, and shouted that he was “Having none of this darkie-loving pinko lingo” before climbing onto his lectern, and defecating noisily into his cupped hands.

The Ukip leader then curled into a ball and screamed “I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you!” whilst other party leaders tried to talk, and then pelted a shocked Nicola Sturgeon with dozens of ping pong balls, that he had brought in a My Little Pony lunchbox.

Dimbleby said the outburst was “surprising”, adding that Farage had seemed “Perfectly calm in the dressing room, merrily playing with his Corgi cars, and practising judo throws on a cuddly golliwog,” but stated that he became “increasingly unhinged during the debate.”

Mr Farage declined to give a closing statement, and instead searched the studio for a time-machine, using a Bic Biro balanced on a glass of water as a locating device.

Ukip said in a statement this morning that they were delighted with their leader’s performance, and expected now  to win all 793 seats in Parliament.

 

 

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