Gatwick oil fields claimed by Scotland

by philapilus

It’s about time someone prettied up the English landscape

The SNP announced today that Scotland is officially laying claim to a newly discovered oil field near Gatwick, which is estimated to contain a potential 100bn barrels of oil.

SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon said “Whilst we are going to keep holding the referendum on independence every two weeks until we get the result we want, we are still very open to changing the terms of the divorce settlement.

“For instance, at first we said we were going to keep all the receipts of the North Sea oil extraction. But we like to think of ourselves as a party open to democratic and fair argument, and so now we are also going to take the new oil field with us as well.

“What’s wrong with that? It’s nearly in Scotland… Gatwick and Gretna Green are sort of twinned, in that they both have ‘g’s and ‘a’s in, and I think that gives us a very strong claim.”

England meanwhile continued to laugh snootily at the Scottish case for independence, which is perceived to have unexpectedly crumbled since the oil crisis began.

Environmentalists have derided plans to exploit the oil field, arguing that Natalie Bennett’s mouth produces enough hot gas annually to meet the UK’s fuel needs for a decade.

A spokesperson for Gatwick Airport, Percy Spoke, said “This discovery has literally nothing to do with the fact that we are wanting to push through lots of digging-type work in the Gatwick vicinity.

“Although if it turned out that the drilling involved moving lots of people off their land and incidentally creating a large empty space which we could use for – I don’t know, like a second runway or something – that wouldn’t be the worst thing.”

 

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