Tories say ‘votes of 100 bosses are the only ones that matter’

by philapilus

British money has not been given the vote yet

The Conservative party expressed its delight this morning, after a supposedly unsolicited letter signed by 100 business leaders backed Cameron for a second term.

Grant Shapps, party chairman, said “The rest of the electorate can fuck off now. These people are richer, cleverer and more important than all of you. With their votes, it’s in the bag.

“Fuck off Britain. Your leaders have spoken.”

Businessman Mike Ock said “I understand that the Conservative party has members, and even supporters amongst the electorate. But none of them are needed anymore. With us, David Cameron has a guaranteed 100 votes, with money behind them. And that’s all it will take.

“I bet Red Ed is quaking in his boots.”

A mystified Labour spokesman responded this afternoon, saying “So, 100 people who are very rich, and will be richer after a Conservative win because of tax cuts, say that they want the Conservatives to win? And this is bad news for us how?

“I mean, I get that these people are wealthy, and own big companies. But they do know they only get one vote each, right? And the British public are not exactly famous for saying ‘Oh well if my cunt of a boss is voting tory, I’d better do that too’.”

Unemployed man Tim Twanks said “I’m not an expert at maths*, but I think there are more than 100 people using food banks, or on minimum wage contracts, or unable to buy houses, or pay rents, or afford to wear shoes instead of bits of tyre strapped to their feet. And there are definitely more than 100 people who think their bosses are massive wankers.

“I’m not sure, but I think the tories might have just suggested they don’t want anyone to vote for them. Happy days.”

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*with an ‘s’. Take note, America.

 

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