Rediscovered remains of Richard III rediscovered again

by philapilus

He was ever so good with kids

The rediscovered corpse of King Richard III has been re-rediscovered this morning in Leicester Cathedral by a team of archaeologists.

The body, which had previously gone missing, then been found under a car park, dug up, seen by thousands of people and featured in a memorial service on live TV, disappeared forever again yesterday.

But just hours ago the semi-mythical remains were refound in Leicester Cathedral by a group of amazed and excited corpse-finders, in a tomb that was – ironically – dedicated to the very late monarch.

Lead archaeologist, Professor Hamish McEyebrau of the Slough Car Park Centre for Exhumation, said “It has been my lifelong dream to discover the location of Richard III’s body. He’s been dead for five centuries, but I still believed in my heart we could find him. Well, today, we have!”

McEyebrau’s team have begun the process of carefully exhuming the skeleton, numbering each part, and then carbon-dating it, before subjecting it to a mitochondrial DNA genome sequencing, to see if it matches known descendants of the family line.

This has of course already been done once recently, after the body was dug up and removed from the car park, but McEyebrau said “We archaeologists don’t get very much excitement in our lives, so I’m bloody well going to do all the sciencey bit again.

“I might get on TV.”

The final resting place of the remains will now become the subject of a costly legal wrangle, before eventually ending up probably being buried somewhere in Leicester, maybe in a big religious building or something.

If no other hidden royal corpses turn up before the end of April, then Richard III will be declared ‘long-lost’ once again, and Leicester’s thriving royal archaeologist community will begin their search anew.

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