Cameron: ‘I can’t afford to stay in low-paid job for 10 more years’

by philapilus

‘But…but…you *can’t* go! We’ll miss you so much!’ said no one

David Cameron shocked pundits yesterday by announcing he would definitely not be standing for a third term as Prime Minister.

In an interview with the BBC, the PM said “Britain is fixed now. There’s no inflation at all! The 150 people who have actually still got any money will be delighted! I really don’t need to stay around now that I have made everything brilliant.

“Also, if I’m honest I’ve done this shitty minimum-wage work for five years already, and I want to move onto the big league and earn some serious money, like Tony does.

“Frankly £142k is an insult. I want to expand my millions, and spend my life sitting on sunny beaches watching the interest roll in, maybe fitting in a little bit of after-dinner speaking at 20 grand a pop.

“So in summation; I’ve finished the job, and I want some fucking money now please.”

Some critics have claimed that Mr Cameron is running scared from the inevitable leadership challenge from Boris Johnson. Others have suggested that there is another enormous economic shitstorm coming, that Cameron wants to make sure is passed on to a disliked successor like Blair did with Brown.

Unemployed parliamentary commentator Tim Twanks commented “I think everyone will be delighted that this posh little prick has given us an end-date, and that he isn’t going to inflict himself on us for untold decades.

“But I would also like to point out that the shiny-faced twat hasn’t even won a second term yet, so ruling out a third could be seen by some to be a bit of a hubristic, not to say odiously fucking cocky, thing to do.”

copping the odd quick feel before he goes



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