LGBT activists join Ukip after meeting Farage at pub

by philapilus

‘Beetles in my teeth taught me how to breathe’

A group of LGBT rights campaigners, who targeted Nigel Farage by staging a protest at his local pub, have said the encounter led them to convert to Ukip en masse.

The carnivalesque demonstration, involving protestors in fancy dress lampooning UKip’s perceived targeting of minority groups, ended up benefitting from one of Farage’s impromptu speeches, and soon came to see his point of view.

Protest organiser, Tim Twanks, said “We really thought we’d have him on the ropes. I was dressed in a big pink girl’s dress with a plastic baby strapped to my bared fake boob. But after listening to Nigel for a few minutes, I realised how badly I’ve wasted my life.

“I’ve stopped being a filthy tranny, bought a proper man’s suit, and now I am going to look for a job in the city.”

Farage was initially perplexed and angry when campaigners mobbed him, because the hordes of frightening, outlandishly dressed transvestites, homosexuals and ethnic minorities that he sees constantly, are usually just in his head.

But he addressed them undaunted, and soon won over the crowd.

Former lesbian Wendy Nailinthehead said “Mr Farage was brilliant. He said ‘Ho there, yeomanry and X-Ray people! Welcome to balloons! Happy fish we are today because all the poo was cleaned up by a robot, and now they’re going to reopen Woolworths! Long live the pencil with an eraser on the tip, and those things that you can stick to windows, but my aunty told me to stop taking my willy out in public.’

“Nigel just really makes a lot of sense, you know? I’ve broken up with my girlfriend, left my job at the Socialist Worker, and I’ll be campaigning for UKip between now and the General Election.”

Glenn Dale, who wasn’t affiliated with the protest, said “We really, really need people to oppose UKip. They are dangerous, xenophobic scum. My husband and I are proud to campaign against Farage.

“But converting this bunch of self-aggrandising, protesting show-offs must have been like shooting fish in a barrel for him.”

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