Lazy sun ‘workshy’ says IDS

by philapilus

Sleeping on the job

The sun has drawn considerable criticism from the Department for Work and Pensions, for its decision to take a bit of a breather this morning.

DWP Secretary Ian Duncan Smith said the solar body’s eclipse was “the second such break in less than twenty years” and constituted “the kind of behaviour that a Conservative government will be clamping down on after the next election.”

Mr Duncan Smith warned that too-soft workplace legislation “has already removed whips from the hands of bosses, allowed workers toilet breaks on company time, and now created a loophole for the sun to do a half-arsed job, hiding behind the moon seemingly whenever it wants.

“People complain about bankers’ bonuses, but it is eclipses like this, dishonest dole claimants, and teenage babysitters who don’t declare their £5 an evening, who have dragged this country to the brink of economic extinction.”

But there is no denying that the solar eclipse has caught the country’s imagination, with headlines in papers today ranging from ‘solar eclipse’ to ‘sun going behind moon for a bit’, to the Daily Mail’s ‘SHITTING HELL WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!’.

People across the country have spent days busily working out how the eclipse will affect them, before realising that obviously it won’t.

Unemployed sun-fan, Tim Twanks, said “It was really interesting, and it looked a bit weird, in the few places it was visible through the cloud cover. But basically, that’s it.”

Meanwhile residents of Devon and Cornwall have been setting fire to virgins inside wicker constructions to make the sun come back – but this happens every morning in the South West anyway.

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